Expert alert: talking to children about traumatic events

Assistant Professor Alyssa Boardman offers insight and tips on how to talk to children about traumatic events.

War, the pandemic, natural disasters, and other traumatic events are stressful for people of all ages. News and imagery about impactful global events such as the Russia-Ukraine war can be particularly upsetting for children and they may not have the ability to independently process their thoughts and emotions.

University of Minnesota Duluth Assistant Professor Alyssa Boardman offers insight and tips on how to talk to children about traumatic events and help them cope. She is available to comment on this issue.

Alyssa Boardman, Ph.D., is an assistant professor in the College of Education and Human Service Professions. Her area of expertise is early childhood and elementary education. She trains preservice teachers and specializes in trauma-informed teaching practices as well as supporting classroom teachers’ use of literature to leverage students’ unique cultures and interests to increase their engagement and deepen their understanding and analysis of texts.

How do traumatic events impact children? 

Trauma can occur from overwhelming and ongoing stressors. Children are particularly susceptible to the overwhelming and ongoing stressors that result from mass violence, war, pandemics, natural disasters, etc. Trauma impacts childrens’ physical, spiritual, academic, emotional, and behavioral development. 

As their brains are still developing, children are learning how to process the strong feelings and emotions that can result from ongoing stressors. Their frontal cortex—the area responsible for thinking and reasoning—is forming. 

The frontal cortex has the critical task of sorting out whether or not the stimulus is friend or foe. 

If friend, the message the cortex sends quiets the fear response. In a traumatized person, the cortex is unable to calm the fear response. They cannot reason away the fear and may inadvertently be left to act it out in interactions with others. Essentially, thinking is hijacked by emotions. Responses may take the forms of extreme emotions, suffering silently with overwhelming feelings, or blanking out from the distressing fear-response signals. 

When children face fear, uncertainty, and questions about their safety, they need safe adults in their lives to help them process what has happened and teach them skills to help them regulate their emotions.

What are some approaches to consider when talking to children about traumatic events?

When talking to children about traumatic events, it is important to keep in mind your role as a safe adult in their lives. Use child-friendly language to explain what is happening. Encourage children to ask questions as they process their emotions and the events that are happening around them. 

A feelings wheel, emotions picture chart, or similar tools can help children identify what emotions they are experiencing. After they identify their emotions, walk them through describing how their emotions are impacting them. Share and model strategies they can use to help them cope with their emotions. For example, teach children how to use deep-breathing exercises when they identify with feeling scared or anxious. 

Limit children’s media exposure, particularly to the news. Images of violence can be overwhelming and trigger strong emotions children do not know how to process on their own. Reassure them of their safety at home and other community locations.  

It’s also important to acknowledge when injustices are happening. Explain how people are bringing awareness to and fighting against injustices. Encourage children to recognize injustices and discuss actions they can take. For example, if they see a friend being bullied, share strategies they can use to support their friend who is being bullied. Or, if they notice that someone is being left out, they can befriend that individual. 

Children’s books are an excellent resource for families and caregivers as they support children in these uncertain times. Read books that deal with tough issues such as violence, racial injustice, and natural disasters with children. As you read the books, talk about what is happening and why. Ask children open-ended questions such as, “How do you think that person is feeling?;” “What can they do with their feelings?;” “How would you feel if this happened in your life?” or “What could you do if that happened to you?” 

Recommended resources:

Guidelines for Talking With Kids About Big Issues

Emotion Wheel

Breathing Hands Exercise 

Children’s Books about Tough Topics